Life Learning

Today marks Day 6 at home, following our three year-old’s foot injury, and it is safe to say that we have developed a serious case of cabin fever. The past week has been filled with lots of screen time and little to no time outdoors. Fortunately, Miss 3 woke up this morning feeling markedly better, and has even been walking on the injured foot a bit, so we are getting our layers on in preparation of going outside and moving our bodies!

While I’m taking a moment to write this, all three kids have developed a game, in which Miss 8 is the Grandma, and when her grandkids visit, she gives them money. 😄 They have made bills of various denominations, and they are using coins as well.

Wait, scratch that, now it’s a store…..selling money.

They are writing numbers, counting money, calculating change, deciding on what their items should cost, etc. They are practicing the scripts we use when interacting with others at retail settings and markets.

Ooh, and now we’re just experimenting with writing super large numbers.

This is what homeschooling looks like for us. I often use the term, “unschoolers” to describe us, as we do not utilize a formal curriculum and learning happens naturally, through following our curiosity, interests, questions, and ideas. It doesn’t look like school because it’s not. It’s life.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, the outdoors are calling. 🌲✨❤️

Dreams, goals, and other fallacies.

“Dream big!” they say.

“Anything is possible!” they proclaim.

“Be yourself!” they encourage.

Except…..they don’t actually mean it. Not really.

What they’re really saying is….

“Dream big!…..but not too big. ‘Safe’ big. Big-ish?”

“Anything is possible! Well….I mean, not anything, of course. You still have to play by the rules, obviously. We wouldn’t want to ruffle any feathers or make anyone uncomfortable, now would we?”

“Be yourself! But….not too much. Slightly unique, but please, do try to fit in. Don’t stand out or make any waves. We don’t want the neighbors to talk.”

I don’t believe that people are generally ill-intentioned. I think that most of us are genuinely doing our best with what we have and what we know. I also believe that there is a whole lot of fear and misunderstanding out there. And all too often, fear is driving the bus.

I’m also not trying to say that I’m immune to fear or the powerful grip it can have on us. I battle with fear every single day in various ways. But I don’t want my life to be ruled by fear and conformity. And I certainly don’t want that for my children.

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” -Nelson Mandela

This is one of the many reasons we chose, and continue to choose, to homeschool. Outside of the institution of standardized education, my kids have the space, time, and freedom to explore and discover who they are, what makes them tick, their likes and dislikes, their physical and emotional needs. They are able to dream big and be themselves because there’s no one telling them they can’t.

Coming Together through Minecraft

My older two children, ages six and eight, were in a really tumultuous place earlier this year. There was a lot of tension, a lot of arguing, so many hurtful things said and done.

I had been trying, for months, to figure out how to help them in their relationship. I tried collaborative games and projects, family outings and adventures, books, art, music, discussions. Sometimes these attempts would improve things for a short time, but inevitably, one would say or do something to the other, and chaos would ensue.

Let me pause for a moment to say that I do not expect my kids to always get along. They’re together 24/7; of course there are going to be arguments and rough patches. They’re human; conflict happens. But what was happening went beyond what’s considered to be “normal” sibling conflict. I was beginning to worry for their physical and emotional wellbeing.

And then one night this summer, they discovered Roblox, and sat side-by-side, on their respective Kindle Fires, and played hide ‘n’ seek. They found each other in the game, helped each other find hiding spots, coached each other on how to get to certain places, and laughed and smiled and giggled. At one point, my son was resting his head on his big sister’s shoulder- something that happened quite often when they were younger, but that I hadn’t seen in a long time. Looking back, that evening was a bit of a turning point for them.

Since that day, they have discovered the world of Minecraft, and I have been amazed at how this game has brought them together. They explore worlds, mine and collect resources, build houses together- all the while collaborating and sharing resources. They help each other reach goals, like when my daughter wanted to find and tame wolves. And that camaraderie has extended beyond the world of Minecraft. They are playing together more, and while they do sometimes argue, it is much less intense, and the extreme, hurtful language has fallen away.

“Screen time” is a loaded term at this point in time in our society. It’s all still so new, and there is so much varying information and opinions thrown at us from all directions. It can be challenging to sift through all of that outside messaging to decipher what *our* thoughts and opinions actually are. Like many parents, I struggle at times with technology usage, and how much and of what variety are “ok”. But, I see how, at least this particular game, has been such a positive force for my kids and their relationship, and that can’t possibly be a bad thing.

Halloween Candy & Food Restriction

I saw several posts about Halloween candy today and a wide variety of comments in response. While we don’t restrict candy intake, listening to and caring for our bodies is an ongoing topic of conversation in our house. We don’t label foods as “good” or “bad”, but we do talk about which foods will provide us with the most energy, help us to feel full, what nutrients our bodies get from particular foods, etc. I don’t want my kids to grow up making certain decisions just because I told them to. I want to help them understand how the choices they make affect their bodies so that as they grow, they are learning how to make informed choices. I also fully realize that not everyone agrees with this stance or believes that young children are capable of making healthy decisions for themselves. That’s ok- I once felt the same way. But, over time, I continue to see that kids are much more capable of than they’re often given credit for. I have a lot more to say on this topic, but for now, I’ll leave it at that.

(Melting and combining chocolate bars to create his own masterpiece.)

Natural Learning

It can at times be challenging to pinpoint how and when my kids are acquiring a new skill or whether information they’re hearing or otherwise working with is retained. We don’t quiz them about knowledge or facts, and so, it is often in small, random moments when I gain insight into everything that is going on in their minds. This can be a bit anxiety provoking for me at times, I’ll admit. But then a question is asked, a skill used, a fact recited, and I realize that they know, and are continuously soaking up, far more than I realize. To illustrate, here are a few snapshots from our learning and living journey this past week:

One night last week, my eight year-old asked if I wanted to hear a riddle, to which I of course said, “Yes!!” I will not relay it here, as it turned out that she had composed it herself, and I do not have her permission to share it, but it was very well-written and clever. When I first heard it, I assumed she had heard it from someone else. But no, she was, in fact, the author.

Yesterday, she and her brother were showing me how they mine iron in Minecraft, and then they asked how iron is really mined, so we looked that up and watched a video. Was iron ever mined using a pickax like in Minecraft? We then spent some time researching that as well and discussing why mining practices have changed over the years.

This morning, she referenced “that lightbulb guy”, meaning Thomas Edison, who we read about last week, in conversation.

Last night, she asked when it would officially be “tomorrow”, and then went on to ask a series of questions about time. Then seemingly randomly, she started throwing out math equations for me to solve. And then questions about numbers, like, “How many zeros does a trillion have?” And then announced she was tired and went to bed.

These are just a few instances that immediately come to mind. The longer we are on this journey, the more I realize all of the ways in which children learn from the world around them. It often doesn’t look how I imagine, and my assumptions are challenged on a daily basis. But if I actively practice loosening my hold on those ideas and letting them go, what unfolds before me feels almost magical, in large part because it often is in such contrast to everything I previously believed about children, learning, and parenting.

There is a lot of downtime, a lot of adventuring outside and in the community, and a lot of wondering and thinking and experimenting. Lots of playing and making and reading. And it’s chaotic and messy and fun and beautiful.

An Exercise on Letting Go

This afternoon, one of my kids was struggling. A lot. And the other two got pulled in as well. It can feel incredibly helpless, to witness your child struggling and not know why or how to help. Once things had calmed, we ended up at a park. Remembering the pen I’d tucked away in my bag, we each found a fallen leaf, and wrote (or drew) feelings in our bodies that we wanted to let go of. Then, we waited for the next breeze, held out our leaves, and let them fly away.

We then found heart-shaped leaves and wrote down things and/or feelings that we want to keep close to our hearts. Some of us kept ours and others chose to release them out into the world.

Some moments are hard. Some days are hard. Some seasons are hard. If you’re holding onto anything that’s weighing you down, remember, you have the power to let it go.

Living from the Heart

Life was made to be lived. So often and easily, we can get caught up in “the future”: planning for the future, saving for the future, living for the weekend, etc. So much of life seems to be about what comes next. We pass up opportunities and put plans on the back burner. We wait for better (or “perfect”) circumstances or for “later”, once various criteria are met. But…..what about now?

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” -Omar Khayyam

I used to worry about so many things…..so many things that didn’t really matter and weren’t actually important. I worried if my outfit looked good enough, if my toes were painted before wearing sandals, if my highlights were growing out, if my house looked presentable enough, if my children “behaved” in public- I could go on and on. I was consumed with worry about how I would be perceived by the outside world. I was more worried about others’ perceptions than of those whom I love or of my own.

Now, I am constantly asking myself:

What is most important?

In my life, on this day, in this moment: what is most important? What choice or behavior is in line with my values? With the kind of parent I want to be? With the kind of life I want for my children?

Stepping back to ask myself this question does two things: first, it gives me an opportunity to pause and evaluate the situation, as well as my motivations. Second, it helps ensure that I am making choices that are true to who we are and what we value rather than acting out of habit or from a place of fear. Over time, I’ve discovered how often I’ve been driven from fear or outside influences rather than from what I truly value. At times, I haven’t been living “my” life; I have lived the life I thought I was *supposed* to live- the life that I was trained for, the life I was expected to lead.

When I think about conventional American life, I wonder how common this phenomenon is- how many of us blindly follow the prescribed path laid out before us, never really stopping to question or wonder what other possibilities may be out there, or wonder whether other options may be just as, or more, meaningful for us. And then, of course, to wonder or to dream is one thing. To make the decision to try a different way of living is another. And to then actually DO something different- to actually take that action step- is in a league all its own.

Do you ever come across any of the blog posts or articles floating around about the regrets of people who are dying or nearing the end of their lives? This article published several years ago by The Guardian lays it out pretty clearly. Number one on the list?

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Authenticity. Living one’s truth. Having the courage to pause and examine how you are living your life and why, for whom. Are you living in alignment with your values? Are you living a life you feel passionate about?

Life is short — live it. Sink into the experience of being alive. Take the time and energy to figure out what that really means for you, and then take one step towards a more meaningful life.

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.” -Diane Ackerman

Your one wild and precious life

Today, while same-aged peers were in classrooms, behind desks, my daughter was running and splashing in a creek. While other children were under fluorescent lights, memorizing facts, she was out in the sunshine, searching for interesting creatures and rocks. She ate when she was hungry, went to the bathroom when nature called, and rested when she was tired. She got muddy, practiced her breast stroke, explored rock formations, and watched a great blue heron glide through the water before taking flight.

This is her life. Her one wild and precious life. And she’s out there living it to the fullest, every single day.

This is my why.